Have you ever felt compelled to do something but didn’t know what to do or where to start? That was me in 2016. I felt an overwhelming desire to start a business, something I knew God had called me to do but I didn’t know how to do it. I saw everything in my mind so clearly and in my naive way of thinking I absolutely thought that, “if I built it, they would come.”
I researched a few things and did everything I thought I was supposed to do, including emptying my savings 😬. I was excited! Long story short, it bombed. I counted it at the time as a complete and utter failure. “I’m done with this!” is what I would rehearse to myself but that nagging feeling and vision of a thriving business wouldn’t go away. It frustrated me. How dare God put this on my heart and show me this but not let it work? Silly, right? I know.
In my mind I was a failure. I had failed. Not the business, but me. Why was I willing to be so hard on myself with something that was beyond my control? That question opened my eyes to the years of personal abuse I attached to myself when anything in my life didn’t go right or as planned. It also opened doors to events in my life I had buried. I realized that I was about to journey into everything in my life I wanted to forget. The past two years of my life were hard. I had to face things I didn’t want to face but how could I be used without first being broken? I needed to understand why I was the way I was or why I acted the way I acted and as eye opening as it was it was also devastating for me mentally and emotionally. That decline affected me spiritually. Giving up seemed like the only pathway to peace but I knew I couldn’t. “Keep going...even if you have to crawl,” is what I’d tell myself. The path to get here was paved with a lot of tears, a little prayer and clinically diagnosed depression and anxiety pills.
Understand this, failing in any area can actually be the drive you need for a complete life or mindset makeover but only if you don’t give up. Wait awhile and when the opportunity again presents itself fight fear with faith and try again. 💋